Dear.

Okay. So I don't know where I'm going to go with this, but we'll see what happens.

For the longest time, I've wanted to be someone's "go to" guy, the one who everyone just wants to talk to and listen. I've wanted to have something specifically directed at me. I've wanted to be somebody's someone. I've wanted to be somebody I'm not. I've wanted to be somebody I am.

And sometimes, I've just wanted to be somebody.

Sometimes I just wish I could have somebody who I could tell everything too. I've wanted to throw everything out there, and not be judged for it. But there's something that holds me back, something that scares me like nothing else.

I'm scared of losing the people closest to me. I'm scared of losing the few people who I trust.

I think that's what scares me the most about the future. Something about leaving all my highschool friends and moving away, well, it just isn't okay with me. It's taken me nearly four years to establish relationships with people that I don't want to leave it all behind, just to have to start over again. I don't like to think that my life is just one big cycle and every four or so years, it goes "let's do it all over again!" Yeah, I'm not ready for life yet.

I didn't want this to be another post how I'm not ready for my future, so I'm done with that.

Do dreams give some sort of hint towards the future?
Do you remember your dreams?
Do you dream?

I'd like to think that my dreams tell me things. Maybe something about someone, or about my future, or destiny.

Damn. There I go with the future thing again.

Do you believe in destiny?

I know I do. I think there's just too many things that have happened so far in my life for me not to believe in it. Sometimes I've wondered if I've made the right decisions in waiting for destiny to happen. I mean, I've had opportunities that I've either missed or let go, because I felt that something good was bound to happen soon. I sure hope that it pays off.

"You always want what you can't have" So what happens when you do finally get what you can't have? Or does it not work that way?

I hope it works that way. And I hope it works.

The old box full of polaroids sits on my shelf
With the pictures of the first time we took the city by ourselves
And the whole ride home
We played "Konstantine"
And I walked you to your doorstep
And you kissed me in the rain, my lucky day
I still spell konfusion with a "k"

Success Story - Holiday Parade


It's true, I still do spell konfusion with a "k"


You seem so afraid, afraid you'll regret
Regret getting closer and connected to me
And I feel like that too but I'm scared
Scared you'll leave while you feel you can

So I'll just wait and see
So I'll just wait and see and see

Let our eyes say words we'll leave unspoken
When we're trying to be careful
And words can be so confusing
When we're trying to be careful
But not too careful...

Fear, it has its place folded in squares
Squarely tucked in the back pocket of our minds
And yes, it's reckless to act but pointless to decide
Just let your world collide with mine

Let's not wait and see

Let our eyes say words we'll leave unspoken
When we're trying to be careful
And words can be so confusing
When we're trying to be careful
But not too careful...

What's the average number of times people feel this way in a lifetime?
Let's not waste more time

Let our eyes say words we'll leave unspoken
When we're trying to be careful
And words can be so confusing
When we're trying to be careful
But not too careful...

Our Eyes - Teddy Geiger

Is destiny knocking at my door.

So I decided to come back here tonight. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I feel the need to say something. Maybe I'm doing it for all of you.

No, I think I'm doing this for me.

I'm scared of moving on with my life. It's as simple as that. I'm scared of moving on in all aspects of my life.

I don't know what my problem is. I get so defensive when people try to help me, especially when I don't want it. Maybe I like to do things on my own, or maybe I'm just to stubborn to accept help from anyone.

So what am I supposed to say?
Why am I having so much trouble writing stuff down?
Am I trying too hard at something that's not meant for me?
Am I cut out for all of this?

It's just that there's so many people who do it better than I do.

God I need some inspiration from somewhere.

When it's quiet, does she hear me?
In a room where no one listens
Don't leave me here, darling
'Cause I feel I might need to be near you

Slow down (come with me).

Slow down, take a deep breath
we're alone, the sun is setting
summer's not over yet
we've still got some time left

So come with me tonight
we'll watch the stars fade, away
we'll go with our lives
but not yet
no, not yet

Slow down, take a look around
fireflies and fireworks
surround us now
and we don't have a care in the world
no, we don't have a care

So come with me tonight
we'll watch the stars fade, away
we'll go with our lives
but not yet
no, not yet

Slow down, you're moving too fast
the moon's fading now
down we'll go together
so let's go down
so let's go down to the water
and we've got one more chance to make this right
so let's make it right
so let's make it right

So come with me tonight
we'll watch the stars fade, away
we'll go with our lives
but not yet
no, not yet

And sometimes we just wanna stay
but I don't know, any other way
to say
goodbye, goodnight, goodbye

So come with me tonight
we'll watch the stars fade, away
we'll go with our lives
but not yet
no, not yet

Looking for the answer(s).

So I've finally come back here with something real.

Sort of.

Something you said to me made me realize that I was being stupid. So thank you for that. I guess I can't be like that anymore. I don't think it's who I am, or who I want to be.

I think right now I have too many questions that need answering. So for now I leave you with what I think is the song that honestly describes my life (and summer) now.

Thunder - Boys Like Girls

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa
Today in the blink of an eye
I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation; what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know, whoa
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside, just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think I'll make it out but you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road
That's taking me to places that I didn't want to go, whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

p.s. Sorry I couldn't give you anything more.

Question number three.

Can a relationship be held together by a common flaw?

Question number two.

What song best describes your life right now?


My answer:

Honestly - Cartel

Question number one.

Do you have a safe place?

A place where you go that you feel nothing could go wrong, and that everything that is/has happened will be alright?

The secret's in the telling.

Everyone has secrets that they keep from others. Even those closest to them.

Only two people know my secret, and they both know who they are.



Goodnight.

I could bold this whole song.

There are certain people
You just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you.
You begin to wonder
Could you find a better one
Compared to her now
She's in question.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same.

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
To someone not there.

Looking for the right one
You line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind.
But she won't keep on waiting for
You without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same.

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare
To someone not there.

Maybe you want it
Maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and
The right thing are the same.

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare
To someone not there.

Maybe you want it
Maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come.

Maybe you want her
Maybe you need her
Maybe you had her
Maybe you lost her to another
To another.

All At Once - The Fray

Don't want to lose it all (part 2).

i was going to wait a few posts before actually finishing this. but i think that now would be the best time for me. i don't think i've had it in a long time where i've spent so much time writing a blog post, and reflecting on things. it's just something that can't be ignored.



Oh, it's that time
It's that time again
Oh, it's all coming back around
There she sees me
Oh my god, this is who I've been
And I'm branded each day.

Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
(Go, go, go)
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all

Immediately we find out then
That I can be blamed for this
But then it just figured out today
And you're so sweet, you say
Go now and get your own life, and live it your way
And I hear you say

Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
(Go, go, go)
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it
Go on and lose it all

Hey, hey, hey,
Woaahhh,
Hey, hey, hey

Well, and if we find another, then we will get ours
And if we find another, then we will get ours

She's pickin' up her clothes, she's off and she's running
She says to me
Go on and lose it
I think she means well, but man I can't tell you
She says to me
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all
Go on and lose it all


Lose It - Cartel




sometimes the same is different, but mostly it's the same
these mysteries of life, that just ain't my thing

when planes land, heads spin
gets me thinking
'cause no one's watching
and i just fell in

and then i had a mind blank
and then my mind went

sometimes i just wish that i could be in someone else's shoes. but then when i get thinking about it, i just realize that all i ever wanted was right there in front of me all along.

i think something i've realized recently, is that you never know how good or bad things may be, until you actually talk about it. i look around at all the relationships and i wonder to myself why can't i have that? why am i the one, who at the end of the day, is left walking home alone? i can't help but believe in the fact that when the day ends, i feel this way.


and then things changed
my new least favorite time:
5:09 PM
and then things went bad


do you ever get in a situation that you can't get out of?
do you ever get the feeling that things are going to be okay, and that they'll work out for you one moment, and then the next, feel totally let down?

and that's what happened
and that's what fucking happened

i think i've finally realized what the problem has been all along. i think that it's my fault; that maybe i waited too long. maybe it was because i was scared, or maybe it was because i wasn't sure what you would say.

maybe there is no solution. but i think there is. but to say it here, well that would just be one of those "horrible" thoughts.

do you ever contradict yourself?
do you ever feel guilty?
well now i know you do


i guess i'll just have to deal with the fact that things won't go my way. i know you told me i'm a good friend, and that i said the same to you.

it's just funny that you disagreed with me.
now i see why.

i have a funny feeling that i might regret posting this. but i guess regret is just another thing that i'm gonna have to learn to live with. my the "list is bending up".

songs "on my mind":


Lose It - Cartel
Late Night Television - New Atlantic
Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls
Such Great Heights (The Postal Service Cover) - Iron & Wine
See the Sun - Black Lab
Wire and Stone - New Atlantic
No Other Way - Jack Johnson
Whatever Gets You Through the Night - Los Lonely Boys
God - Jack's Mannequin
Zero - Hawk Nelson
Caught By The River - The Doves
Overkill - Colin Hay
Have It All - Jeremy Kay
Ghost - Howie Day
All the Memories - The Classic Crime
My Bidness - Kyle Williams

have a listen. i think you'll find them to your liking.


guess what? i'm Driven By Sound. yeah that's not going to make sense to more than half of you. actually most of this isn't going to make sense to most of you. but hey, i guess this is for me. it's nice to do something for yourself once in a while.

i just want to say one thing:
the biggest problem i have is controlling my emotions, as you might have noticed. being this close to someone is nice; at least i have someone to talk to. but at the same time, i find it hard to talk to you. but then again, my emotions aren't going away. and i don't think that letting them go away is a solution.

also:
do what you have to do


p.s. title contradicts the song

Don't want to lose it all (part 1).

welcome!


so i figured i should actually come back here for real. i was considering posting more lyrics of other peoples songs and quotes that somehow get to me, but i figured what the hell, let's have some fun.


monday, november 15, 2005

dear god, why does my past continue to haunt me?! i've tried running but that doesn't work. i've tried ignorance but that doesn't work. i've tried everything short of doing something completely stupid, but nothing works. music does make me think, and most of the time that's not good. but you know what also makes me think..pictures.

it's true, pictures are worth a thousand words. too bad that's not enough.

would you go back in time and change things if you could?
would you do anything you could in order to get things back to the way they were?
would you give up what you have for me?

or would you give it up because you think it'll make things better?


maybe that's just what i want.

A walk through the hall of memories.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,
Like a shoebox of photographs,
With sepiatone loving,
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart,
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together
...
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together

Better Together - Jack Johnson










I just don't want to look back and wonder what could've been.

And through the sleeplessness.

You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away

Sideways - Citizen Cope







Sometimes I wonder why.

Cold Shower's in Hot Weather

hi everyone!


man, everything's so backwards. i actually thought i grew out of everything here, but i really don't think i want to. but i think i did, which isn't cool. how come time is never on my side? how come the amount of time i use to figure things out in my head, is the time that i can never get back?

damn past, damn you past!

i think i'm loving the warm weather. it means i can wear sandals again. like i did almost 2 months ago, when we walked along the beach holding hands, with the sunset behind us, and you told me things i didn't want to hear. but part of that's a lie, and i know it.

i want to be a superhero. either that or i need a hero, either would be nice.

if i were to write an album right now, the tracklisting would be:

1. It Should Have Been Me
2. My Fault
3. Imaginary Heroes
4. Confusion is a Cold Shower

look! i just made an EP..i guess that increases my coolness level a whole bunch!

if i could describe how i'm feeling with one song it would be:

Human - Jon McLaughlin

listen to it!

oh, and John "J.D." Dorian, i know how you feel.

and a quote

"Everyone needs a hug now and then" - Aaron Lott

i think i skipped a page of life

tell me a story where i was the king
play out the picture like it was a scene
from a movie you've wanted to watch for so long
but words are exed out, they must of been wrong

i've grimaced so senseless as i try to find
a story that makes me feel so sublime
please help me discover what it takes to love
or at least love me back, this love life is rough

here i go, i'm falling back into the cycle
where i feel lonely and spiteful
and i am destined to be
a singularity
here i am
watching as my other side
in darkness without any light
all the sadness, loneliness, and rage
but just ignore it, skip a page

wasted so much time drinking down the things
that weighed on my mind gave alcoholic dreams
but it all came back up and made me sick
i couldn't hold it down, the liquor was too thick

so jealous and zealous that i have become
racing to disaster what the hell have i done?
thinking of days that were long ago
just wanted to have something i could show

here i go
i'm falling back into the cycle
where i feel lonely and spiteful
and i am destined to be
a singularity
here i am
watching as my other side
left in darkness without any light
all the sadness, loneliness, and rage
but just ignore it, skip a page

tell me a story where i was the king
play out the picture like it was a scene
the story you told me i wish you would
not have told the one with me as damaged goods

drugged on love

where has everyone gone?

what has happened to this world we have here?

lyrics stuck in my head:
one, you are beautiful
two, you are wonderful, but
three, you've got praxter's in every pocket

p.s. can anyone tell me what a praxter is? your opinion is much appreciated (i just want to see what you all think a praxter is)

lay down your emotion

i lay here on this bed of nails
and you cried out for help
they're piercing through my skin
with blood stains on your lips
you whispered to God to save you
but it was more than just a whisper
so i screamed into the darkness
hoping that someone would hear me
but they responded with silence
and with the thoughts of suicide
running through my head
i came to the true realization
that i was already dead
and i cried to this realization
i cried to God for reason
and your blood stains on my lips
with hope of escaping this emotion
i laid down on this bed of nails
hoping to escape this emotion


this is my last dance for now

goodbye and goodnight

sincerly,
lost out of love

a tree without roots

What I want from you is empty your head
What I want from us is learn to let go
you
you
you
bleed
bleed
bleed
hate
hate
hate
me
me
me
Hell when you're around
out
out
out
What I want from this
you
you
you
leave
leave
leave
hate
hate
hate
hate me
let
let
let
It's hell when you're around
you
you
you
leave
leave
leave
It's nothing anyway
hate
hate
hate
me
me
me
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out

It's nothing anyway

from the lack of sleep and bloodshot eyes

it's been a long time. yes it has. every time i try to do this, i get halfway and then erase the whole thing. don't ask me why. it's obviously for some reason i don't know. yah, it's that obvious. so i just thought i'd do this just to let all you know what's been going on in my part of life in the last little while.
well i've been busy. not that busy busy where i have so much to do, but that busy where i have stuff to do, but put it off till the last second so to make myself really busy. it's like right now, i should be working on some project or paper that will "help me later on", as my parents would put it. but i'm not going to get into that right now. i'll just give you a list of things that has happened in my life as of late ('cause we all know you love lists).
i have:
- been writing
- been not sleeping (for all who don't know, and i'm sure that's a lot of you, i've been suffering from a mild insomnia for the past two months)
- been in love
- been broken hearted
- been sick
- been tired
- been energized
- been touched
- been in my dreams
- been singing
- been playing guitar
- been watching movies
- been at sleep overs
- been staying up way too late
- been talking
- been talking to myself
- been swinging
- been partying
- been trying to quit msn
- been listening to music a lot
- been listening to new bands
- been trying to figure out a way to record myself
- been trying to play the piano
- been hating school
- been loving school
- been hating people
- been loving people
- been so far down, that's there's no possible way to get back up
- been reading past writings
- been reading other people's past writings
- been wanting to get away
- been avoiding situations
- been running away from emotions
- been not myself


here's a song:

another day and a whole new story
these past few weeks have been just a daze
i think i might have just closed my eyes
i've only got a few centuries to make a dent in the world
i’ve only got a small amount of time
i cant keep throwing every second i’ve got down the wishing well
in the hope that luck will find me
seek out this mediocre misery
just take my hand and bring me around
there is more to this life than just following the tide

don’t hold out beneath the linen this time
the emergency buttons aren’t just an escape
a serenade for the artist among us
who never had to face the consequence

i don’t want to be another sad excuse
couldn’t spend another night all alone
wishing that i could have done things differently
living for the moment seems to be so insecure
defined by character, we aren’t that much different anymore
the safest way around the assault course before us
like everyone else looking for another way out
but not so easy as to just walk around

it’s all about taking this head on
matter over mind for once
i'll make sure i’m standing strong tonight
brace myself for everything life can throw at me this time

now where were we. i could start with a lot of things, or maybe i won't start with anything at all. but what's the point of writing something long, without having a meaning?

so i'll ask you a question:
do you believe in absolute truth?

now here's a proverb for you:
A snowball stands no chance in hell
But this is Earth

how's about analogies..do you go for those?
you are my drug
and i am in withdrawl

(i know, i've used that one before)

this post has been a little different than what you're all used to. it's more the "so obvious that it hurts" kind of post. i guess it's cause i'm sick and tired of trying to explain myself. it gets annoying when nobody gets you, or gets what's going on. it's also kind of funny when people pretend they think they know what's going on. 'cause you sit there, nod your head and smile, just thinking to yourself "i don't know why they do this".

how's about a song by Sherwood. it's called What Lucy Found There:

all the leaves upon this tree
are forming words and pointing them at me
could it be a kind of sign
informing me that i've been out of line?
all the pages in this book
are giving me and interesting look
can they see beneath my eyes?
and if they could, i wonder what they'd find
and i won't feel alone tonite
'cause i can see the candle burning bright
and the shadows and the light
will keep my company tonight

it's a good song, you should listen to it...

yes, i think you should.

i find it funny how people can say things like, "oh don't worry about it. i know exactly how you are feeling." it's things like that just piss me off enough to do something. how can they know exactly how you are feeling when they aren't you. there's only two possible reasons that i can figure out how they would know exactly what i am thinking or feeling:
1. They can read minds - now i know that in reality this is impossible. The only way that they would be able to read minds would be if they had some sort of super power. The only person who i can think of that can read minds would be Professor Charles Xavier from the X-Men series. Okay, so he can read minds, but he's not a part of true reality.
2. They are God - and we all know that you're not. So stop pretending. Only God can read minds, me made us in his image, so it's only natural that he knows what we are thinking and feeling.

i finally got my JVIS test back, and i must say that i'm pleased with my results (but also somewhat surprised).

top 3 basic interest's:
1. Author-Journalism (93%)
2. Performing Arts (93%)
3. Nature-Agriculture (92%)

top 2 occupational themes:
1. Expressive (93%)
2. Practical (79%)

academic satisfaction:
486 (46%)

similarity to college students:
1. health, physical education and recreation (+0.56 similar)
2. environmental resource management (+0.44 similar)
3. performing arts (+0.40 similar)

similarity to job groups:
1. occupations in entertainment (+0.59 similar)
2. occupations in music (+0.54 similar)
3. occupations in fine art (+0.49 similar)

so there you have it. my jvis made me actually look at what i wanted to do, and i think i've changed my mind. i don't know if that's good or bad, can't really tell.

now i'm going to rant a bit.

why do we ask questions to which we already know the answer? because there has to be a reason for everything. reason controls our world. but reason does not come solely by itself. there are obvious strings attatched, because with reason comes truth. and reason and truth do not stand alone. if you have reason and truth, you must have trust. trust is the main element, it is the controller. reason and truth can only come through trust, and without trust, reason and truth cannot exist. it's unexplainable. i guess you could say that trust is an "unofficial" emotion. there are many different emotions, all of which are things you cannot deny, things you must accept. but trust is something that you must learn, it doesn't just come to you. you need to believe in trust to have trust.

i guess it's a matter of personal opinion. so here's where i leave you. i've given you my trust, now it's up to you to trust my trust, and give me that trust back.

(it all makes sense in my mind)

so i guess that pretty much wraps up this post. my life has been different lately, i guess i've changed.

please tell me if it's for better or for worse

sound,

brent

mountains and molehills, just manmade

send for the gallows, it's time to lay down the law
we'll hang this architect for all he's worth
overlooking every last bridge he built
his handywork
it might as well have been the rope around his neck
he never saw much beauty in this city
and as blank eyes woke up once more
he promised himself he would burn it all down
dance in the firelight, there is beauty in destruction
there is beauty in this naked flame

is it amongst every last fist we throw
every word etched in stone and flesh
is our human nature flawed?
cause we fight for our dreams and when we get there we just want that little bit more
desperation sets fire to these very bottles we drink from
and then tosses them our way
but you can bet they remember his name
live by whatever you have, but you will die by the blade
whether it be broken glass spilled of your own accord
or knife thrust straight into your chest
when we are six feet under we are all the same

overdressed for decay
a rock lies above me with some half hearted words
and etched above lies my name
in a few more years it'll be worthless too
nobody ever looked out for me
so when i fall down for the very last time
i'm taking my acheivements with me
such disrespect for what i've done and what i've been through
shows exactly what we have become
darwin was right, we fight for survival, but then die tired
nobody ever looked out for me
mr hangman, take it away
i gave you my life story, now lets bring it to an end

history repeats itself

[it's true, history repeats itself]

i was looking through my closet, when i found some old writings of mine. i think i wrote them the beginning of grade 10. each are just short, separate poem things. here you go...


he's the unsuspecting victim
of her unsupected rage
and his thoughts remain tangled
as she turns and walks away

i sing lullabyes
under the quiet of blue skies
and you'll know where to find me
when you hear my mumbled cries

and i'm living in this shoebox
which is my tiny escape
the shoes my expensive haven
but the box my lonely place

she asked me the definition of love
and i said that love is something that you feel
something that you feel for someone else
a emotion that you can't escape from
but an emotion that escapes from you

i'd like to say
those things i can't say
but then what would be the point
of calling them things i can't say

so lay down my loved one
listen to the words of your loved one
sleep well on this bed of nails
don't wake up till tomorrow

watermark

i count to three and grin
you smile and let me in
we sit and watch the wall you painted purple
speech will spill on space
our little cups of grace
but pauses rattle on about the way that you cut the snow-fence,
braved the blood,
the metal of those hearts that you always end up pressing your tongue to
how your body still remembers things you told it to forget
how those furious affections followed you

i've got this store-bought way of saying i'm okay,
and you learned how to cry in total silence
we're talented and bright
we're lonely and uptight
we've found some lovely ways to disappoint,
but the airport's almost empty this time of the year,
so let's go play on a baggage carousel
set our watches forward like we're just arriving here
from a past we left in a place we knew too well

i had intention of posting before i left this weekend

so i followed up on that intention


time my run and see how far
it takes for me to reach a star,
and look back with triumphant gaze
and never see you, only space.

happiness to slide away,
with just cause a smile grows faint,
friends can't part like Red Sea waves,
despondent Gods can never save.

drift in peace, and sail to space,
float round planets of my face,
watch me from your falling star
and fall away, and fall afar.

quietly dissolve in time,
escape the shadows of my mind.
leave me here, with just a trace,
so all I have is time and space.

be a star, and fall to me,
mirror my astrology.
be a ship, forever flight,
and silently pass in my night.

a question:

is it better to let a strong relationship stop ubruptly, and purposefully, so that you remember how much it means to you, but it hurts like hell?

or is it better for it to fizzle out slowly, so that it doesn't hurt...but the memories and feelings of it all fade into obscurity and you forget how much it all meant?

memories in a photograph

a lot of you have said that you are at a loss for words, or that words just aren't coming to you. but for me, words are the only describable way. so here are the words, words for you.
i want you to go back two posts. two of my posts. and look at the link that is there, and if it isn't working, here it is:
photo prayer
and i also found another type thing. here:
family
(and this post is in small writing, because i'm feeling small right now)


memories in a photograph

memories captured in a photograph
we want them to stay, last forever
not fading away in our thoughts, never
a memory for the ones who can’t recall
sepia colours on the photo frame
feelings captured so nice
but only this one moment
this moment frozen in time

photos fading never
unclear sepia shapes of the photographic set
so we will never forget

memories bound together in a photograph

the beauty should stay, last forever
enraptured picture, priceless memory
photographic retentions left to infinity
silently captured to never forget
not letting go of all you’ve held onto
the picture strongly held in your hands
trembling for the thoughts in your mind
i won’t let the painful tears roll over your face
so they can leave a cold trace

memories bound together in a photograph
keepsake off the past
all framed in this photograph

photos fading never
unclear sepia shapes of the photographic set
so we will never forget
so we will never forget

i was alone, i took a ride,
i didn't know what i would find there
another road where maybe i
could see another kind of mind there
then i suddenly see you,
did i tell you i need you
every single day of life?


you are my drug
and i am in withdrawl

B r O K e N

i'm broken, i'm torn,
i'm cracked, and i'm worn.
i'm lost, and it's cold.
i'm choking, i'm hurting,
i have lost faith in hoping
i'm trying not to care,
i'm searching for air,
i'm forgetting you were ever there.

i saw how this was breaking, but we weren't letting go.
i believed that things could be repaired,
as long as there was hope.
i didn't want to tell myself it couldn't be okay
so when reality came along, it hit me in the face.

the hole it kept on gaping,
and both of us,
we kept on changing.
for a long time i was dreaming, there really was incredible beauty in my world.
the memories were perfect,
the photographs were stories to be told.
i'll be better off alone.
you'll be better on your own
but where's the justice, at the bitter end
when your world is turned to stone

frustrated and broken

here's something i wrote on the geography trip/now/earlier today

not very good considering each time i worked on it (which was like 3 times), it was only for about 5-10 minutes. so deal with it.

and this just goes to show that anyone can write a frickin' song. i'm disappointed in all of you, with one exception. you know who you are.


driving down this dusty old road
the streetlights dimming
nothing but frustration
is driving this rusty old car

when you said love
i thought you meant it
but when your word means nothing
what do i have

thoughts of you
are crawling through my head
like broken glass,
like my broken heart

now i'm sitting here
in this rusty old car
the streetlights dimming
nothing but frustration
is writing this broken down song

walking down this dusty old road
the streetlights dimming
nothing but frustration
is driving this broken heart

when you said love
i thought you meant it
but when love means nothing
what do you have

so i'm sitting here
in my broken little world
the streetlights dimming
nothing but frustration
is writing this broken down song
is writing this broken down song
is writing this broken down song

you know what a fun thing to do is?
writing
it's a great thing
realy
really
it is
so how's about you do me a favor?
write
that
frickin'
song

cause it's getting me..well..not exactly pissed..more
like
frustrated

i just had an idea

yes..I..had an idea..for a game that is..well not really a game. i guess you could call it that if you want.

write your own song. i know some of you have done that before. but write another

then just for fun you can either email it to me, post it on your own blog or comment it. you could also not show anyone..and just keep it to yourself.

but that'd be no fun

happy songing

brent

singing for a broken heart
it just ain't easy to do
blinded by the tears i cry
tears you never knew


that's the first installment

i was..bored..

haha

9/11

we're all walking airplane crashes

in other words..

we're all walking broken hearts

i've been listening to ben lee a lot lately. real good stuff. try it sometime.

just thought i'd let you know that.

"right now im hearing nothing but silence
high beams are on - i can feel you
every piece contains a little bit of violence
and you've changed so much but its still you
no right angles in my life
no right angles in my life"

we're all walking lonely

i called you, monday
so i could meet you, tuesday
but tuesday's dark and dreary
she cries herself to sleep
i don't know what to say
i waited for you, wednesday
you said you'd meet me there
but now i miss you, thursday
why did you have to leave?
i think about you all the time
i'm sorry i cried, friday
but it's what you cannot see
it's all your fault, saturday
it should have been me
i have one thing too tell you
now you must see, sunday
that what she said was true
she loved you dear, with all her heart
i hope you loved her too
i love you


the lights are fading

so long, so long

we're all walking contradictions

hold you in my arms - ray lamontagne
when you came to me with your bad dreams and your fears
it was easy to see that you'd been crying
seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe it reigns
but who really profits from the dying
i could hold you in my arms
i could hold you forever
i could hold you in my arms
i could hold you in my arms forever

when you kissed my lips with my mouth so full of questions
it's my worried mind that you quiet
place your hands on my face
close my eyes and say
love is a poor man's food
don't prophesize
i could hold you in my arms
i could hold you forever
and I could hold you in my arms
i could hold you forever

so now we see how it is
this fist begets the spear
weapons of war
symptoms of madness
don't let your eyes refuse to see
don't let your ears refuse to hear
or you ain't never going to shake this sense of sadness
i could hold you in my arms
i could hold on forever
and I could hold you in my arms
i could hold forever

alright. here's how it goes. one day/night of the weekend. starting with friday. ready, set, sail!

friday night:

went to the mall. needed some things. you know. but i had some very interesting..let's call them witnessings.

i witnessed...
..a soda pop disaster
..a construction breakdown
..a broken bone
..a robbery
..a forgiveness
..a first kiss
..a last goodbye
..a argument
..a breakup
..a breakdown
..a broken heart
..a smile
..a death
..a sunset

came home and played guitar.

saturday day:

did what i do best of course. pretended to be a racecar driver! no really. i did. actually it was more like a zamboni driver. when it's broken down and given a "technical" name, it's known as a lawn manager. i call a grass cutter. so much easier. but after about 78 laps i jumped off and went swimming, "like you do."

saturday night:

this is where my pyro technics come in. short story shorter, had a fire. started that at about six, and i sat out there for six hours (do the math people). but there was something i realized as i sat out there and played my guitar in near total darkness (i was too comfortable to get more fire wood). i realized i came up with some sort of analogy.
not trying to copy you andy
you are the moon. scaring away all the shadows.

crappy. but what the heck.

sunday:

went to church. then had all family over. it was fun. like it usually is. what more can i say? swam almost all day. played a little soccer. ate. did what me and my cousins do best. don't know what that is, but oh well. gave a little taste of british comedy.

now that's where it's at.

that was my weekend. but seeing as the week doesn't end. or isn't ending. i don't know. too tired right now to think.
one last thing. i'm at volleyball camp all week. so i might not be in a mood to talk. not trying to use it as an excuse, but whatever.
"check out please"

he wrote this out of spite. he knows that. he can't deny it. he reads it over, what he has written. he deletes it and starts again, but he knows it's all in vain. he's telling himself a story.

he is so lost. he knows no one understand's him, and he knows that no one cares. he wants to start a new life. he wants to start over. he knows that he's just tired, but he doesn't care. he needs to leave it all behind, and escape to a place in his dreams. he has to leave this town behind and never return.

he's writing and the words just keep coming to him.

he tries to explain it to them. he knows it's all in vain. he knows that no one takes him seriously. especially her. he knows that she is the cause of all the problems. he knows that if he had never met her, things would be better. he can hate her, despise her, and detest her. but he knows that without her, he would not be able to go on. he knows that even though he hates, despises, and detests her, he loves her, admires her, and adores her. he thanks God for her.

he never knew God. he thought he did once. he thinks to himself, that nobody really knows God. he knows that others know and believe He exists. but he doesn't. he's having a hard time. he thinks it's because of the other distractions. but he's not going into detail about that now.

he doesn't give a damn anymore. he's writing these words with a sinical smile on his face. he says, here comes the fun part.

he hates himself for everything he does or doesn't do. wrong or right, he hates it. he knows that everything he writes or says, won't matter to anyone else. he's all alone. he knows the walls are closing in on him. he screams out in pain, knowing that it will do no good.

he finishes writing this story. he hopes that maybe, perhaps, and hopefully you'll take him seriously. he's praying for his own safety.

he is a damn fool.

goodnight.

check it!

yep
this is going to be short

so i'm back from camping. it was good. and fun. yep.

"so i didn't join the army, as you might have noticed" and as you might have noticed, things look a little..different.

so check it out and have some fun!

that's it
yep

so i'm leaving for camping tomorrow morning..so you won't be talking to me for a while

and by you..i mean everyone..


goodbye

love you all..in a friend ish way that is..

i've only got one question for all you out there:

if you had one wish, what would it be?

(choose wisely)

write this down
remember every word
you're not the things they told you way back then
you're so much more than ideas in your head
so bury them
and keep them so they can return when you're alone
so that you can fight them in the end

boy, you know i'm sick and tired of healing all your pain
it's time for you to know the truth and cast your cares away

write this down
remember every word
you're not the things they told you way back then
you're so much more than ideas in your head
so bury them
and keep them so they can return when you're alone
so that you can fight them in the end

boy, you know i'm sick and tired of healing all your pain
it's time for you to know the truth and cast your cares away
and i'm so sorry
it took too long to let you know that
it's alright and it's okay
cause they mean nothing anyway

so you say that you're so alone
well loneliness is all we get
get used to it

boy, you know i'm sick and tired of healing all your pain
it's time for you to know the truth and cast your cares away
and i'm so sorry
it took too long to let you know that
it's alright and it's okay
cause they mean nothing anyway

write this down - cartel

this is a call and not just a song

She fooled all of her friends into thinking she's so strong
But she still sleeps with the light on
And she acts like it's all right on, as she smiles again
And her mother lies there sick with cancer
And her friends don't understand her
She's a question without answers
Who feels like falling apart.
She knows, she's so much more than worthless
She needs to find a purpose,
She wonders what she did to deserve this

She's calling out to you
This is a call, this is a call out
Cause everytime I fall down, I reach out to you
And I'm losing all control now
And my hazard signs are all out
I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

And he tells everyone a story,
Cause he thinks his life is boring
And he fights so you won't ignore him,
Cause that's his biggest fear
And he cries, but you'll rarely see him do it
And he loves but he's scared to use it
So he hides behind the music
Cause he likes it that way
And he knows, he's so much more than worthless
He needs to find the surface
Cause he's starting to get nervous

He's calling out to you
This is a call, this is a call out
Cause everytime I fall down,
I reach out to you
And I'm losing all control now
And my hazard signs are all out
I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

Have you ever felt this way before
Cause I don't wanna hide here anymore
Take me to a place where nothing's wrong
And thanks for coming, shut the door
And they say some one out there sees us,
Well if you're real, then save me Jesus
Cause I've been this way for far too long
I wasn't meant to feel alone

He's calling out to you
This is a call, this is a call out
Cause everytime I fall down,
I reach out to you
And I'm losing all control now
And my hazard signs are all out
I'm asking you to show me what this life is all about

Show me what this life is all about
Show me what this life is all about

this is a call - thousand foot krutch
.....................................................................................
.....................................................................................
.....................................................................................
.....................................................................................
.....................................................................................
.....okay........enough.........of.........that.......stop!


"Man, I just saw something. I'm glad that you are here.I got to start to thinking, and seeing things so clear"
skies so blue - the rocket summer

with you
everything is blind
with you
everything is clear
with you
everything is fine
with you
everything is tears

"i am not into the idea of living without you"
around the clock - the rocket summer

why do things have to end this way?

tomorrow

how can i live without you
when i can't even live with you
surely you are a fool
cause love is for the lonely

the sun will rise tomorrow
hopefully tomorrow will be better
walk with me tomorrow
hopefully tomorrow will be better

sins are for sinners
but they're not for you
surely you are a fool
cause lying is for the broken

the sun will rise tomorrow
hopefully tomorrow will be better
walk with me tomorrow
hopefully tomorrow will be better

hope is for the hopeless
but you don't need it
surely you are a fool
cause you live in confusion

the sun will rise tomorrow
hopefully tomorrow will be better
walk with me tomorrow
cause hopefully tomorrow will be better

breathe in
and think for a second
exhale
and imagine
dreams are for dreamers
and you want perfection
it's impossible to stop
thinking's a passion

i'm only thinking of you
and when things are through
i'll only be thinking of you

it's killing you
by the second
hold your breath
don't stop
exhale
life's a confusing thing
but thinking's a passion

i'm only thinking of you
and when things are through
i'll only be thinking of you

looking back

i know
that things
are going downhill
used to be good
going against your will
where did it all go wrong
for me and you
at the top
is where we used to be

suicide's not good enough for me
not it's not good enough for me
pulling the trigger won't do no good
cause you is all i need

i can't
wait for you anymore
i'm sitting here
alone on the floor
i wish i could escape from this
escape to a place in my dreams
where nothing goes wrong
where no one's singing this song

suicide's not good enough for me
not it's not good enough for me
pulling the trigger won't do no good
cause you is all i need
cause you is all i need

being stuck at school is fun isn't it



so it's 5:40 and my mom is coming at 6:30..great..



curse all you people with food!

the heart cycle

all i have right now is one thing: the heart cycle

the heart never makes

sense

hope for love is confusion
love is confusion and hope
confusion and hope is love

it doesn't matter what way you

look

at

...it...

all makes sense

...time...

"Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once" - Anon

but did you ever think that time..is something that can't be controlled..

that maybe if time didn't exist..we wouldn't all be here..


"Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived" - Captain Jean-Luc Picard

"Time spent with cats is never wasted" - Colette ...i have a cat on my lap

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save" - Will Rogers

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

musicals

so normally, musicals aren't my thing. but this one was different. don't asked me why. maybe it was the basketball..or the hot gir-i mean nachos. hmm..i'm even stumped.

have fun with this one..i did:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0475293/trailers-screenplay-E26935-10-2

dear journal:

i find that many people don't know i exist, and that when they do notice me they spit at my feet and mock me. i know that some don't do this, and thank you to those few. for you are all saints, angels if i must say. at least i know that when i die, i will always remember that one person who knew who i was, who respected me for who i am, and was, and the person who listened to me when no one else would. to the person who told me everything would be okay even when i, and they, knew who wouldn't. i thank you for that is how i wish you all were. but no, it's the exact opposite. so all you people, i give you one more chance. show me that you don't want to burn in hell and that you won't waste your life away. these are my last words of advice. please listen to me. take heed of your lives

sincerly,

the world traveler


a response:

dear world traveler:

i don't know who you are, but i listened to you. i used to be a person who spit and looked down at those below me. i caused pain to those people, i did it for laughs. i would walk with my friends, beat some one up and walk on laughing with my friends. it made me feel good. then things turned on me. i was hurt so bad that i left the school. i was homed schooled for 2 years. i was scared of them, scared that i was going to get hurt again. then i read your letter. i was touched. i called up those who i hurt. apoligized and hung up. it made me feel better. for that man, i thank you.

sincerly,

torn and hurt


dear torn and hurt:

i'm glad that i at least helped one person. i've had people talk to me saying that i'm suicidal and that i'm an asshole. i don't give a damn what they say. i don't care what anyone says about me. i just hope that i can help the hurting. thanks man.

sincerly,

the world traveler


one final response:

dear world traveler:

last week my son returned back to his old school. as he walked in the front doors, he was grabbed by some bullies, brought into the parking lot, and beaten to death. i know that he was writing to you about some of the problems that he was having, and that you gave him some good advice. thank you for helping my son. if it is not too much, i would like to meet you in person.

sincerly,

till death do us part


dear to death do us part:

the world traveler will not be able to meet you in person. he was killed by the person who used to be his only friend. this is that friend talking. i am so sorry. goodbye.

sincerly,

life is not something to be wasted

things to bring:

Ipod
Sunglasses from the dollar store
Chocolate chips
A rainbow
Best friend
Lightswitch
Therapy
Love
Letters from love
Gum for tarajoy
Baseball hat
Ring
Teddy bear
Heart
Green pen
Plaid rain jacket
Flyfishing wading boots
Christmas tree
Poetry
Paintbrush
Crystal ball
Bunny rabbit
Cartoons
Jack in the box

i'm lost in this life
and now:

i'm finding a way to hate you
i'm finding a way to miss you
i'm finding a way to love you
i'm finding a way to lose you
i'm finding a way to need you

i'm wondering in this life
and now:

i'm finding a way to hope
i'm finding a way to doubt
i'm finding a way to dismiss
i'm finding a way to accept

i'm wandering in this life
and now:

i'm finding a way to find a way

Until We Get Caught

This is not the end
This is just the beginning
And don't you know that everything we want
Is within our reach at fingertips length
We fought nonstop to make these nights our own
Now no one can take them away

Hands in the air (hands in the air)
No one make a sound (no one make a sound)
While you're in despair, we'll have our ears to the ground
Listening for the pulse that just might drive these hearts tonight
And I know we won't make it out alive

We could have had it all
Our backs against the wall
Our eyes blindfolded tight
Living what they call life

(We could) We could have had it all
(Our backs) Our backs against the wall
(Our eyes) Our eyes blindfolded tight

Hands in the air (hands in the air)
No one make a sound (no one make a sound)
While you're in despair, we'll have our ears to the ground
Listening for the pulse that just might drive these hearts tonight
And I know we won't make it out alive

We won't make it out alive
When you burn down these bridges
And you build up these walls
And you tore out these pages
And there's nothing left at all
And when that day comes
And we're all still here
Will you be waiting?
Will you be waiting?

Hands in the air (hands in the air)
No one make a sound (no one make a sound)
While you're in despair, we'll have our ears to the ground
Listening for the pulse that just might drive these hearts tonight
And I know we won't make it out alive
And I know we won't make it out alive
............
...........
..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.

this ones to you
only to you
nothing for you
except this for you
this is to you

and by and by and through the years..things you taught me through the years

remembering things can be fun. that is only if it's a good memory. or else your thoughts can totally go down the drain.

"remember to breathe"

so here's to the memories


that was fun




next we have: a traveler's journal

wick ran as fast as he could. he dared not look behind, for fear of stopping to look at what used to be his home
they had come not but a fortnight ago. them and their magics. at first it had seemed like they would only be here for a day or two. but then more and more of them came. that's when we started to get worried.
my father was killed the third day they were here. he died before he could turn around and run. all he wanted to do was take one of their books.
those books contained magic spells. spells of great power,spells of love, and spells of hate. they were created before the turn of the century. before the lord of darkness had taken over.
nobody knew of this island during the great war. it was created for the sole purpose to protect the only remaining books. those books had held information of before the turn of the century. they held histories of cultures and languages that were destroyed during the war. that's what wick's job had been. to learn about those histories, and to teach others so that they could also learn of the peoples who had created this world.
wick dodged a falling rock.
if only i could go back in history to change this, if only
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that's all folks

they said

she sat in the corner
as tears rolled down
he came to her and asked her
will everything be okay

she told him to go away
with a smile on her face
he wondered what was with her
as he walked away

for it could not be denied

she turned and called to him
as the smile was replaced
he turned to face her
he knew this couldn't wait

she started to stand
as she wiped her tears
he walked toward her
he showed his fear

for it could not be denied

she cleared her throat
as she touched his face
he turned away
he knew this was not the place

she silently wept
as she reached for him
he felt the pain
he knew she felt

for it could not be denied

she hung her head
as she ran away
he turned to speak
he knew she was gone

she ran for miles
as she headed for the beach
he chased after her
he knew it was too late

for it could not be denied

she climed the stairs
as she knew where it was
he screamed at her
he knew it was the end

she opened the drawer
as she held it high
he stared at her silently
he had to stop her

for it could not be denied

she says to him
and the words slip out
he says to her
hold my hand

she says to him
and the tears stream again
he says to her
please don't cry

she says to him
and please don't tell
he says to her
this is hell

she says to him
and this is the end
he says to her
friend

for it could not be denied

she grabs the gun
as she lifts it high
he stares at her eyes
he cries

she pulls the trigger
as she falls down
he screams in pain
he never wanted this
she stares into his lifeless eyes
as she wonders why
she pulls a second time
as he not alone dies

for it would not be denied
for it would not be denied

she became a casualty of society
he never wanted to become a victim of the conformity

to those who like games

a thousand miles seems pretty far, but they have trains and planes and cars

oh it's what you do to me
oh it's what you do to me

this ones for you:



and you can take this wherever you want
i've never been here before
you have been the one for me
goodbye my lover

i am a dreamer
it's my dreams you take
as i watch the stars become the day
there's no point in breathing

i just don't know what to believe
i didn't want to believe it
take me away
how could she say she wanted more

close your eyes
is this a quiet place where you should be alone
you know it's me for i cannot sleep
so have you been to a place like this

i've got my things i'm good to go
she thinks i'm much to thin
she let's me drive her car
california in the summer

simple words we never knew
the power behind what they put us through
better days behind us now
who will save us

please don't mind what i'm trying to say
you're part of the reason
i'm so set on being the rest of your life
this is me calling you out

this is a test to how well you know music..

see if you can figure out how many songs there are here

and what songs they are

also..the artist

have fun

winner gets a prize..not telling what it is

"i can't imagine all the people that you know, and the places that you go"

trios

lately it's things have been happening in multiples..
mainly 3's

it started with the television breaking..ya..that meant no more cartoons..i like cartoons

the next thing that brokeded..was the fridge..i'm not gonna try to spell the whole word..cause i know i'll get it wrong, then get razzed about it later..so that meant no more ice cream

and finally the last thing..the icing on the cake if you may call it..the computer..

here's how the story goes:

i'm at steves, making a movie, it's 3:00 in the afternoon..the afternoon of sunday, april 2, 2006. the telephone rings, steve tells me it's my mom. i thought it was just a phone call to secure my evening ride from my present quarters the the front lines. well was i wrong, and i was wrong. here's what she said, and i quote:

"brent. what time do i need to pick you up to redo your project day?"
"what are you talking about?"
"the computer crashed and we lost everything"
"crap"
"yes i know, ill be coming at 4."
"fine"
*click*

right, so the t.v...fridge...and computer broke all in a span of a 2 week period..what the crap...!



but enough of the depressing stuff..

cause no one really wants to hear about that..


so...

i have a game for you all to play..but that will be coming later..

so for now it's goodbye

and thank you

tears and rain - james blunt

i wish i could surrender my soul;
shed the clothes that become my skin;
see a liar that burns within my needing.
how i wish i'd chosen darkness from cold.
how i wish i'd screamed out loud,
instead i've found no meaning.

i guess it's time i run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
all pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
i've heard what they say, but i'm not here for trouble.
it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

i wish i could walk through the doors of my mind;
hold memory close at hand,
help me understand the years.
i wish i could choose between Heaven and Hell.
i wish i would save my soul.
i'm so cold from fear.

i guess it's time i run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
all pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
i've heard what they say, but i'm not here for trouble.
far, far away; find comfort in pain.
all pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
it's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

tears and rain
far, far away;find comfort in pain
all pleasures the same: it just keeps me from trouble
it's more than just words; it's just tears and rain


really..is it just tears and rain?

well as some of may have noticed..i have been working on my blog template..

now this might not be the final look..i'm experimenting with some things..

so please tell me what you think..


"i am drawing a cat"

i really did have something to say, really i did. im not bending the truth in any way. but for some reason i can't remember what it is i wanted to say. so for now i'll live with the "i can't remember post"

works for now

when you're away from all the business of regular everyday life and all that, i think you come to realize the finer things in life. maybe that's for you...haha..well i guess it's the same for me..

so now i'm back from the vaction in the sunny weather. it was good and fun and hot..quite hot..but i'm not complaining

met some people..which is good..in more ways then one..

so now it's catching up time on the homework..2 tests, 1 major assignment..well the assignment is done..and the tests are apparently easy..so no biggy..

but now it is time for me to do something else..which i doubt i will...

she goes from burn to tan, then back to burn
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so see ya all tuesday...joy..

"island in the sun"

i find that love is a complicated subject. and only those who truly know it, can handle it's up's and downs. don't follow their lead, cause you never know how the story ends. i'm just getting up for the letdown..


thanks for the intro to cartel
.................................................................................................................................
for i'm an underatedoverachiever...so now i leave to go to those places that aren't here.

i hate complicated subjects..

"someday you'll sing it out loud, someday this will make you proud"
Say Anything (Else)-Cartel

so i guess it's time to leave this place, with only some words of..well there just words..

secret's kill
truth bleeds
over the hill
until i find you

a withered rose
all but dead
pedals falling
until i find you

frosty mornings
red-lit skies
lonely nights
until i find you


"even the best fall down sometime"
Collide-Howie Day

so now i leave this place..never to return..

until i find you

[brent]

.underatedoverachiever.

so you think that a little information would be nice, and yes i'd hope it would be nice. but in the case where information can change the way that something happens, unless that thing was not meant to be changed in any way. but in this case it was.

so here's to the one's i love
so here's to the one's who never knew
so here's to the one's who don't even care


no im not on vacation...yet


you'd think a two hour change wouldn't have made the difference...

well guess what...it can't anymore

i think maybe with me, you'd be better, not better off..



so here's to the one i love


goodbye

being sick is one of the worst things in the world..and im not just talking about the physically sick...

ya..some of you know what im talking about..

but really...why?



dearest you:

talk to me please


(delayed reaction)



wow

When I Go Down - Relient K

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregaurd
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find the end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not that way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregaurd
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

Any control I thought I had just slipped through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me Reprimands me
Then and there I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet You love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do You make it light
As I exhale I hear Your voice
And I answer You, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise
Cause I love You
Oh God, I love You

And life is now worth living
If only because of You
And when they say that I am dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to You
I won't look very far
Cause You'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

i think i can relate

so i'm talking to justin, and what i'm realizing is that all it is, is a popularity contest. as she passed me in the hall and said "hi justin", i knew that she didn't know me, or did anyone else, or will they ever.

it's just funny. it's like one of those movies where someone who's a nobody dies, and no one gives a damn, but then someone dies who is higher up in society, and everyone rushes to the aid of the family and tries to help in any way they can.

so i just laugh to those people, have fun, and don't screw up..



on a higher note, oh wait, there is no higher note. things are quiet all in my life, well not really. we're out of the omha's, so we go down to the regionals, joy. basketball is almost over (hallejuiah).

"cause who i am hates who i've been", way to go andy, get me hooked back on this freaking band.

so i've been thinking, and once again, im feeling a lot of guilt. now im not thinking that all of it is my fault, but then again it could be, who knows. but for now im just gonna try, and see how things work out. i mean there's really nothing that i can do, well maybe there is. we'll all see in time.

a wise person once told me that time was a weird thing, and i can't help agree, because right now, time sucks, and i hope that it stops and i will never have to worry about it again.

well that's all for now, from me, the great blue guy. or as justin puts, the "emo" color.

oops forgot the "u"..

oh and tara, everything's just peachy



the twisted candy

alright, so everything's not okay. first i thought it was, but recent "problems" have made me make a drastic decision. if only i could tell you what i'm really feeling, or what i want to say, but everytime i get so close, you seem so far away.

poetry..joy..

here lies the great pumpkin, who rises every halloween to give candy to every little boy and girl who happens to pass him in the great pumpkin patch.

but for now i think i'll stick to the basics, thank you and goodnight..

all i know is that something must be better.

i feel the need to say/write something...so here goes..

now that i think about it..exams aren't really all that worrysome. i know that's not the write speeling, but im not feeling the need to look it up. im somewhat confused as to what people have been worrying about. i mean, of course there's something that's bothering people. maybe it's the exams, but then again it could be the monster in the closet.

i think bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. it's not the photographers fault, there's just an out of focus monster roaming the country side.

there's a monster in all of us. for me, its the monster of slowness. no but really, if anyone really knows me, i love to go fast. not slow, not medium, fast.

i like to make myself scarce.

i think im going to stop using more than one dots between sentences...it really can get kinda..bleh.

so now im going fast to make myself scarce..

oh and andy, get some leaves

for 3 moments i thought things were changing...










but then i found out i was wrong..

...i'm really getting sick and tired of this...




i wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait...well you get the picture...




...waiting can be so tiring...


it's almost enough to almost stop...


almost....


maybe we'll see how things turn out....





maybe...

Memo From God

To: YOU
Date:TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box.

It will be addressed in My time...not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic...Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse ... You could be them!!!!