it's been a long time. yes it has. every time i try to do this, i get halfway and then erase the whole thing. don't ask me why. it's obviously for some reason i don't know. yah, it's that obvious. so i just thought i'd do this just to let all you know what's been going on in my part of life in the last little while.
well i've been busy. not that busy busy where i have so much to do, but that busy where i have stuff to do, but put it off till the last second so to make myself really busy. it's like right now, i should be working on some project or paper that will "help me later on", as my parents would put it. but i'm not going to get into that right now. i'll just give you a list of things that has happened in my life as of late ('cause we all know you love lists).
i have:
- been writing
- been not sleeping (for all who don't know, and i'm sure that's a lot of you, i've been suffering from a mild insomnia for the past two months)
- been in love
- been broken hearted
- been sick
- been tired
- been energized
- been touched
- been in my dreams
- been singing
- been playing guitar
- been watching movies
- been at sleep overs
- been staying up way too late
- been talking
- been talking to myself
- been swinging
- been partying
- been trying to quit msn
- been listening to music a lot
- been listening to new bands
- been trying to figure out a way to record myself
- been trying to play the piano
- been hating school
- been loving school
- been hating people
- been loving people
- been so far down, that's there's no possible way to get back up
- been reading past writings
- been reading other people's past writings
- been wanting to get away
- been avoiding situations
- been running away from emotions
- been not myself
here's a song:
another day and a whole new story
these past few weeks have been just a daze
i think i might have just closed my eyes
i've only got a few centuries to make a dent in the world
i’ve only got a small amount of time
i cant keep throwing every second i’ve got down the wishing well
in the hope that luck will find me
seek out this mediocre misery
just take my hand and bring me around
there is more to this life than just following the tide
don’t hold out beneath the linen this time
the emergency buttons aren’t just an escape
a serenade for the artist among us
who never had to face the consequence
i don’t want to be another sad excuse
couldn’t spend another night all alone
wishing that i could have done things differently
living for the moment seems to be so insecure
defined by character, we aren’t that much different anymore
the safest way around the assault course before us
like everyone else looking for another way out
but not so easy as to just walk around
it’s all about taking this head on
matter over mind for once
i'll make sure i’m standing strong tonight
brace myself for everything life can throw at me this time
now where were we. i could start with a lot of things, or maybe i won't start with anything at all. but what's the point of writing something long, without having a meaning?
so i'll ask you a question:
do you believe in absolute truth?
now here's a proverb for you:
A snowball stands no chance in hell
But this is Earth
how's about analogies..do you go for those?
you are my drug
and i am in withdrawl
(i know, i've used that one before)
this post has been a little different than what you're all used to. it's more the "so obvious that it hurts" kind of post. i guess it's cause i'm sick and tired of trying to explain myself. it gets annoying when nobody gets you, or gets what's going on. it's also kind of funny when people pretend they think they know what's going on. 'cause you sit there, nod your head and smile, just thinking to yourself "i don't know why they do this".
how's about a song by Sherwood. it's called What Lucy Found There:
all the leaves upon this tree
are forming words and pointing them at me
could it be a kind of sign
informing me that i've been out of line?
all the pages in this book
are giving me and interesting look
can they see beneath my eyes?
and if they could, i wonder what they'd find
and i won't feel alone tonite
'cause i can see the candle burning bright
and the shadows and the light
will keep my company tonight
it's a good song, you should listen to it...
yes, i think you should.
i find it funny how people can say things like, "oh don't worry about it. i know exactly how you are feeling." it's things like that just piss me off enough to do something. how can they know exactly how you are feeling when they aren't you. there's only two possible reasons that i can figure out how they would know exactly what i am thinking or feeling:
1. They can read minds - now i know that in reality this is impossible. The only way that they would be able to read minds would be if they had some sort of super power. The only person who i can think of that can read minds would be Professor Charles Xavier from the X-Men series. Okay, so he can read minds, but he's not a part of true reality.
2. They are God - and we all know that you're not. So stop pretending. Only God can read minds, me made us in his image, so it's only natural that he knows what we are thinking and feeling.
i finally got my JVIS test back, and i must say that i'm pleased with my results (but also somewhat surprised).
top 3 basic interest's:
1. Author-Journalism (93%)
2. Performing Arts (93%)
3. Nature-Agriculture (92%)
top 2 occupational themes:
1. Expressive (93%)
2. Practical (79%)
academic satisfaction:
486 (46%)
similarity to college students:
1. health, physical education and recreation (+0.56 similar)
2. environmental resource management (+0.44 similar)
3. performing arts (+0.40 similar)
similarity to job groups:
1. occupations in entertainment (+0.59 similar)
2. occupations in music (+0.54 similar)
3. occupations in fine art (+0.49 similar)
so there you have it. my jvis made me actually look at what i wanted to do, and i think i've changed my mind. i don't know if that's good or bad, can't really tell.
now i'm going to rant a bit.
why do we ask questions to which we already know the answer? because there has to be a reason for everything. reason controls our world. but reason does not come solely by itself. there are obvious strings attatched, because with reason comes truth. and reason and truth do not stand alone. if you have reason and truth, you must have trust. trust is the main element, it is the controller. reason and truth can only come through trust, and without trust, reason and truth cannot exist. it's unexplainable. i guess you could say that trust is an "unofficial" emotion. there are many different emotions, all of which are things you cannot deny, things you must accept. but trust is something that you must learn, it doesn't just come to you. you need to believe in trust to have trust.
i guess it's a matter of personal opinion. so here's where i leave you. i've given you my trust, now it's up to you to trust my trust, and give me that trust back.
(it all makes sense in my mind)
so i guess that pretty much wraps up this post. my life has been different lately, i guess i've changed.
please tell me if it's for better or for worse
sound,
brent
8 comments:
Howly CRAp long(age) And sadly only one good picture Brent. The first one. I hope and pray you get some sleep. And get some joy. And get yourself a girlfriend. And if you have a girlfriend remind me to kick your ass for not letting me know.
i dont know where to start. you posted and i posted...you def. did a lot better than i did;)
my favourite part was your list. i think i got over my obsession for lists but now im dearly missing it. obsession..whirr whirr starting again. its a great list. nice to hear from you. glad to talk this weekend it was good. catching up and just fooling around. good thing.
ha, i was thinking...wow, i wonder if he's not gonna stick up a song..and then there it was. whoops. i guessed wrong.
pffffft absolute truth! haha. whats this insane buzz.
that would be horrible. no snow in hell. hell would be hell. ah. the saying doesnt work so great there.
so obvious it hurts- makes for an easy unexpected read. exxxxcellent (gotta stop saying htat)
haha. your reading minds nad if you're God thing made me laugh.
and you already heard what i have to say about jvis. hm, i hope i get mine back this week!
rant is perfect. i love it. but i want to answer your first question. -to feel a sense of fulfillment and for assurance.
for the better.;)
love,
tarajoy
darn. abram hadnt commented when i started. cheaaaaaaater!;)
i don't think trust is a feeling... no not at all. trust is just a thing. you can feel that you trust someone or that someone trust's you, but i don't think it's a feeling. but i like what you said about truth and reason. and it's all making me think of the englishman's boy. which is bad. well perhaps it's good? but yeah, i don't think trust is a feeling... and i don't think you necessarily _have_ to learn trust, but i think it's something that once it's been broken, you have to learn how to trust again, yes. but as a child, trusting comes naturally due to innocence and naiveity. i think. well depends on the child's childhood i guess. but i guess it's all a matter of personal opinion. that's just what i think.
and i don't really like what i got on jvis. except that i got writing first on the "similarity to job groups" part. but every single stinkin' thing was neutral. which really doesn't tell me much of anything. and i got "machine/mechanics operator" third, which totally does not match. meh. i almost wish i could do the test again. maybe i'd be in a different mood and score differently? heh. oh well.
all in favor of starting a book club for this?
ah, i've getting stupid talks about how school is important and how i need to keep up with it -- but honestly, i just don't feel it. so i figure that's where things started going awry. once i stopped feeling it. for anything like that.
dude, how many of those things did i know about? not enough, i'd say. crap... seems like it's time for some serious ping pong or something else that's a ridiculous waste of time, but doesn't take up much of my mind. here's the plan. i'll buy the jones, we'll drag in the tv and play ping pong all night.
"trying to quit msn" haha
by the way, i think you could listen to the last two lines of the song. i think most people could. somehow it seems hectic right now.
my jvis is a joke. and abram, your opinions suck. ha! except for the girlfriend thing. i too will kick your ass if you haven't told me.
p.s. do i get pages for this?
well, i'll have to start by saying that that is definitely the longest post i've ever read. ever seen? ... really can't say.
sorry about the insomnia thing. can't really say i know how you feel at all. but i can relate to it, along with alot of the other stuff you said. the only problem is, i can't put words to paper as well as you can. you just make it sound so professional and meaningful, that it has to be read.
A snowball stands no chance in hell. But this is earth: i like that saying. this is earth, and a lot of stuff stands a better chance here than in hell, i'm sure.
and as for the nobody getting you thing; it sucks, it hurts, and it's something that can't be helped. unless you explain yourself.
well, this is quite a lengthy comment, and it only feels suitable for such a long post.
sweet dreams.
wow. that is the longest post i think i've ever seen in my life. wow.
Hey man. I don't know you. I found myself in a situation a while ago that I'm guessing is a lot like yours now, and I also found myself wondering if I was describing myself well enough to other people through the stuff I said, the songs i wrote, the things that i did, etc. I thought maybe you want some feedback on how well you're expressing yourself. if you don't want the feedback, print it off and burn it and be angry at me- like i said, I don't know you. so here is what I gathered about you from your post.
you live on a farm.
you play guitar and write songs.
you don't know what to do about girls in your life.
you get charged up by awesome stuff, and let down by not so awesome stuff.
you worry.
you worry about what to do today, tomorrow, and later.
you like posting pictures of stuff.
you're too poor to buy something to record the music you make, and you're too nervous to play and sing in front of your friends who do have recording stuff, so you don't record stuff.
you had a pretty sheltered childhood, so you want to experience life a little more.
you wish you could buy a new guitar, and you probably could, but it's the amp that will make you broke, and what good is a guitar without an amp?
you are a lot like me.
you don't really care what people think about you, you just are. and if people want to make you into something they're not, then you're fine with that, and they can go disappear.
|truth|
you get pissed off when nobody understands what you're saying to them.
you'd be ready to break me right now, if only you knew who I was. I'm only 4 blog comments away from you.
you trust me? i could be anyone.
as a kid you gave your trust to few people, and when you did, they treated it like dirt, and you took that pretty seriously. so now you want to trust me, and you want me to know that you trust me, and you want me to put myself out on a limb and trust you, just because i stumbled across this page?
no way
trust is more than that my friend.
i have no advice for for, because if i gave it to you you'd be more pissed off at me than you are right now.
commenting this has been good for me, because now i know what another product of being me is. i've never done or said anything like this.
if you're really pissed off, write me a song. you can say whatever you want in it.
if you're not pissed off, be happy that i spent 15 minutes of my life writing this to you. be happy that God loves you. be happy because you're sitting on a chair, or anything, just be happy.
You taught me a lot about myself tonight. if we never meet, i pray that you'll have a good life. if we do meet, tell me how this made you feel and i'll pray that you have a good life anyway.
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