So. I have no idea where I'm going to go with this. But I know it's going to be one of those things that people could get mad at me for. Well, maybe not mad. But you know, question.
I don't fucking care.
Maybe I've been living, acting, thinking, a little to carelessly. Maybe it's because I don't worry enough. Maybe it's because I worry too much. Maybe I keep things bottled up. Maybe that's because I'm scared of feeling vulnerable. Maybe I open up to the wrong people. Maybe it's because I'm overtired when it happens. Mabye I'm someone who rushes things. Maybe that's because I don't want to lose. Maybe I'm a liar. Maybe it's because it's easy. Maybe because I'm good at it. Maybe it's because I'm scared of the truth. Maybe I'm a hypocrite. Maybe that's because I am. Maybe I'm not trustworthy. Maybe that's because I lie. Maybe I'm not a good friend. Maybe because I'm a fucking jerk. Maybe I need to learn when to keep my mouth shut. Maybe that's because I tend to say what's on my mind. Maybe it's because that's not true. Maybe I'm girly. Maybe that's because I am. Maybe I like to reminisce. Maybe that's because I hate losing memories. Maybe that's because sometimes that's all I have. Maybe I've lost close friends. Maybe that's because I'm scared to show who I really am. Maybe that's because I don't know who I really am. Maybe I'm starting to lose it. Maybe "it" refers to many things. Maybe "it" refers to stress. Maybe "it" refers to anger. Maybe "it" refers to friendships. Maybe I don't have anything to say. Maybe that's because I don't have an opinion to share. Maybe I hate myself. Maybe I'm at a loss for words. Maybe I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe that's because I can't think straight. Maybe that's because I don't know how to think. Maybe I hate seeing myself fail. Maybe that's because I'm scared of failure. Maybe I hate seeing others fail. Maybe I've found my future already. Maybe I don't know what my future is. Maybe I hate my future. Maybe that's because there's so many uncertainties. Maybe I doubt myself. Maybe that's because I do. Maybe I should hold my emotions in check. Maybe that's because I tend to lash out too much. Maybe I lash out at the wrong people. Maybe it's because I don't want to hurt the people close to me. Maybe I need to take more interest in my friend's lives. Maybe it's because they do the same for me. Maybe I fake laugh too much. Maybe that's because I hate showing people my true feelings. Maybe I should stop being so defensive. Maybe I need to let my walls down and let someone in. Maybe I love. Maybe I don't know what that means. Maybe my words are hollow. Maybe that's because they are. Maybe I like to do things on my own. Maybe I don't anything in common with anyone around me. Maybe the only things I have in common aren't "good". Maybe I'm already living for the next holiday. Maybe it's because then I can forget everything. Maybe I have regrets. Maybe I didn't think I'd ever be able to hold together a relationship. Maybe I'm waiting for a sign. Maybe it's because I don't know what I really feel. Maybe I need a safe place. Maybe it's because I'm scared, not of what's out there, but of what's in here. Maybe I'm scared of making decisions. Maybe it's because I don't want to make the wrong one. Maybe I need to learn patience. Maybe I should stop getting my hopes up. Maybe it's because every time I do, I get let down. Maybe I want to live in someone else's shoes. Maybe it's because I want to feel differently. Maybe there is no solution.
To pull one thing out:
Maybe I doubt myself.
What do you do when you doubt yourself? Do you doubt yourself?
I doubt a lot of things. Do I doubt you? No, I can't say that I do.
Do you doubt me?
With your eyes closed watching a strange show play out in your head
But you were smiling somehow
And your day froze and everyone in it sat still as a rose
But we were moving somehow
Back to when we started, losing who we were
Maybe we should only tip a bottle back to keep us filled up
Back to when we started, losing who we were
Everybody knows that you'd break your neck to keep your chin up
Open your eyes and the drops come in a snail race down to your neck
And look up but you were smiling somewhere
Back to when we started, losing who we were
Maybe we should only tip a bottle back to keep us filled up
Back to when we started losing who we were
Everybody knows that you'd break your neck to keep your chin up
Chin Up - Copeland
4 comments:
that song again.
cut the crap. heh
sorry, first things that came to mind. ; )
I don't know where your going with it either, but i do know that things mean alot less in life if you don't have those people around you. So do what you can to keep them there.And they'll do what they can in return.
where's the focus
you know, maybe i'm almost glad you posted this... maybe because of that whole "maybe" paragraph. i'm pretty sure we want to do that sometimes. maybe. but maybe we don't. or maybe we do and we don't post it. but that being said i'm pretty sure that there are probably 3-5 (maybe more) really big maybes that this whole thing spurred from. maybe all the rest are just chained off of those or are just random thoughts that flew into this thing. and maybe, there are a bunch of maybes in there that are really statements that you just tacked on "maybe" too. but maybe you really believe those statements without the maybes. maybe, but it's hard to tell one statement from another. maybe it's really hard to respond to any of this at all. and maybe figure out what you're really trying to say. which is fine, maybe. maybe this post was more for you than for me anyways. and maybe, you can tack "maybe" on just about any sentence. it may be just that.
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